Betty Lange: How parents can better support their young student athletes
Friday, July 17th, 2020
By Betty Lange
Badger Region Board Member
The longer I coach the more I realize the parents’ role in student-athletics hasn’t changed much. What has changed though, is parents themselves.
As a parent and coach for 30+ years, I’ve collected some great insight and experience useful in guiding parents to be the best possible support system they can be for their child during the club years. My perspective may differ from other parent/coaches, but these bits of advice are what I have learned to be top priority and show the most positive results for everyone involved.
Big picture
1. Keep the Big Picture in mind. When your child looks back at their club years, what thoughts or emotions will arise? When you look back, what memories do you want to have shared with your child? So many memories are formed with each team your child is a part of. You’ll meet new parents and get to know them throughout the season whether you sit next to each other at each match, road trip to tourneys together, or help with fundraising, practice duties, team dinner plans, and other team parent volunteer roles. It’s likely you’ll bring other family members along for the journey, such as your other children or relatives who are avid sports fans and also want to show their support. What kind of experience do you want everyone involved to have? Keep the big picture in mind. Be fully present in your child’s club experience. Don’t get caught up in the negative thought trap of playing time, cost of travel, etc. If you’re driving 2 hours to practice twice a week, make that time count. Use it to talk about non-sports related stuff or to reconnect on a parent-child level.
Be a fan
2. Be your child’s BIGGEST fan! The experience should never be just about winning or losing. See the value in recognizing your child’s effort, skill development, and also social development as they mature and learn how to be a part of a team. Emphasize and reinforce when you see your child improving, especially when they are first learning about the sport and about competition in general. Give them praise without focusing so much on the outcome. Be their #1 fan! Too much emphasis on winning and the outcome can add anxiety to the experience and they may not want to participate in the sport any longer.
Why
3. Establish and Remember the WHY. As a parent you can help your child set goals and determine why they are participating. Keep an open dialog about what they hope to get out of playing the sport. Guide them to adopt realistic expectations while also encouraging them to challenge themselves and push outside their comfort zone. There are so many reasons to play a sport. Be sure you and your child are on the same page so you know best how to support them in reaching their goals and thus, help make their club experience one to remember. You can certainly help your child make decisions about sports, but be sure to support their goals rather than just telling them what to do. The communication has to be continuous because goals can change. Parents should strive to give the appropriate support that aligns with their child’s goals.
Support system
4. Be a Stable Support System. From tryouts to practices and tournaments, your child needs a strong and dependable support system. The club season can be very challenging and stressful, so start with things you can control such as ensuring your child arrives on time to all practices, matches, and other team activities. Additionally, help them relax before they start to play, and be present while they are competing and after. Not sure what this looks like? A good rule of thumb is to ask your child what they would like you to do and say before, during, and after competitions. Be willing to try the suggestions. Before offering feedback, assess your child’s mood to see whether they’re ready to talk about their play or not. Cheer positively for them and for the whole team because even if you don’t catch them looking, your child is stealing glances while on the court; they want to know you’re enjoying seeing them play!
Be an example
5. SET the Example (pun intended). In all things be what your child would want to emulate. Even if you aren’t an athlete yourself, there are many habits you and your child can adopt together during the season. Healthy eating and staying in shape is one habit every athlete should get used to, and having a parent’s support in that area can make a huge difference. Sportsmanship is another. When parents behave poorly at a competition, it becomes a huge embarrassment for the child and does nothing to shape the positive sportsmanship skills needed to be a successful athlete. Setting the example of how to act and react can help teach the importance of being a good teammate as well, another vital skill that requires practice to fully develop.
Independence
6. Encourage/Nurture independence. We know that most parents are highly involved in their child’s sport, and that’s okay, but that level of involvement must be balanced with furnishing your child with some freedom and independence also. Boundaries can be set but still allow for growth of independence within the boundaries. Children must be given the chance to be responsible for certain things pertaining to playing a sport. Then as they show you growth in becoming personally responsible a wider range of freedoms can be given. As your child learns how to be more and more responsible for themselves they begin to mature and prepare for leaving home for college when their parents won’t always be around to look after them. Club season offers this opportunity for growth if you as a parent let it.
Tips from coaches
7. A few things that Coaches want Parents to know. Coaches value when parents support them. Some things that are very helpful are just listening and talking with your child about basic team rules and expectations. Backing what the coach has communicated with the team about their goals and team behavior. Being truly supportive of your child’s coach and edifying them whenever feasible. It’s a benefit if parents understand that coaching is a hard job and demands lots of time and energy so any help that parents can give to the coach will be greatly appreciated. Little things like providing healthy snacks, water etc, organizing team dinners and just making sure everyone knows the schedule on the day of a tournament will be a huge help. Offering general assistance whenever possible is what most coaches are looking for. And of course again the #1 tip for parents from a coach is let the coach take care of the match logistics so you can fully take in and enjoy watching your child play. The best thing you can say to your child after a competition is “I really love watching you play.”
Parents are a very important component who can create positive sporting experiences if you follow some of these simple tips. We talked about the value of listening to your child, understanding and supporting their goals for sports, be aware of how your parenting style and behavior helps your child’s experiences and builds healthy relationships in the sporting scene. Family life then has an added ingredient that is pleasurable and rewarding because of Sport.
